What is grief? Basically, it's our reaction to a loss of any kind: the loss of a job, a divorce, the ending of a friendship, and of course, the death of someone dear to us. When describing "grief", perhaps the American Institute of Stress said it best: "Grief is intense and multifaceted, affecting our emotions, or bodies and our lives" (Source: American Institute of Stress).

There are, according to William Worden, four "tasks" in mourning a loss. Your grief work is done when you have:

Accepted the reality of the loss

Fully experienced the changing 'pains' of grief

Successfully adjusted to your changed environment

Reinvested in life and in new relationships

Each task brings with it varying levels of stress. In truth, you could say grief is stress. It's a process involving those four tasks, and each task presents physical, mental, spiritual and emotional challenges. It calls into question our fundamental beliefs about ourselves and our world. It shakes us to our very foundations, and we're called upon to reinvent, and reinvest in, ourselves. Talk about stress!

We're sure you've heard this quote from the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche: "That which does not kill us makes us stronger". Over the years, many grieving individuals have found the truth within his words: while it sometimes feels as if you'll die from the emotional, psychological and physical effects of grief, there is the potential for self-growth within the experience of bereavement. Here we look at the relationship between grieving and the development of greater resilience.

What is Resilience?

According to the American Psychological Association, the word 'resilience' describes the ability to successfully adapt to living "in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress". When you're a resilient person (and—to one degree or another—most people are); your "behaviors, thoughts, and actions" help you to "bounce back" when hardships occur.

If resilience isn't one of your natural characteristics, it's good to know resilience can be learned—and bereavement can be a fine teacher—if the 'student' is willing to do the work. The considerable distress of grief can, just as in the creation of tempered steel, reshape and refine one's character; helping a person to become stronger than he or she was before—when you actively do the work of grieving. (Read How to Manage the Effects of Grief and Stress to learn more about grief work and the four tasks of mourning.)

Many experts agree; for example, American researcher Mark Seery spoke of this hidden benefit to grieving: "I really look at this as being a silver lining. Just because something bad has happened to someone doesn't mean they're doomed to be damaged from that point on" (Source: Daily Mail). And in "Grief: The Journey from Suffering to Resilience", Dr. William Doverspike wrote of the life-altering process of bereavement: "One never really returns to his or her former self. Instead, one incorporates the experience into what eventually becomes a new self. Reaching resolution requires working through grief, which takes time."